Late last night as I was clearing off unnecessary photos from Facebook (why did we ever think it was cool to post EVERY
drunk photo online for the world to see?) I started to reflect on love and friends and how they make up the person we are.
Okay, honestly, I was mostly concentrating on each time period and what guy I was dating/seeing/talking to/courting at that time. I started to think about that fling or relationship and what made each one special. There are some I would rather forget and pretend never happened and some that deeply rewired the way I am; for good and bad.
I can’t help but wonder- where do those feelings go? Do we ever truly get over someone? Instinctively I would say no, but I am starting to believe that yes, just maybe, it is possible to truly get over someone that once shook your core so much you thought you would
die without them.
That moment of realization happened in the middle of the night, a few weeks ago, when I woke up and happened to roll over and check my phone. On my screen was the name of an ex. Not just any ex, but the ex that once awoke my sleeping soul and instilled a new sense of being in me. He was a core shaker and when we broke up, one that I truly never believed I could or would get over.
Anyway, his name appeared on my phone. Nothing to freak out about- a simple friend request on Facebook was all he wanted. But still, when you spend months upon months fighting someone from your mind it’s a bit surprising when the moment you have thought about (him reaching out) actually happens.
What happened when I read his name and accepted his friend request showed me really how wonderful of a tool time can be. I realized, as looking through his photos to see what he’s been up to, that I am completely over this human. I felt nothing. No longing for him. No sadness. No crushed heart or butterflies in my stomach. Instead, there was nothing. He was just another man to me now. I never thought this moment would happen with him and I. But sure enough, looking through his photos and seeing that sweet life he was now living with his new girlfriend- I found myself being completely okay with it all.
You see, time is a fabulous thing. And, no matter how many times your friends can tell you that time heels all you never really believe it, until you feel it for yourself. There are moments in life when (usually late at night when I’m laying wide awake in my bed) I start to think back to moments and wish that a certain event never took place. Or, perhaps, that I wouldn’t have let a certain someone into my heart. Or, that I would have done something just a little bit different- relationship wise or not. But I usually wake up with the realization that every messed up moment that caused either pain or happiness placed a cobblestone on the road of my life. Any little thing that would have been different, wouldn’t have led me to this exact moment. And, in this moment- I am exactly who and what I’m supposed to be.
And that’s pretty neat.